At my birth my mother got childbed fever. She got through it, but lost her milk and I was raised with a bottle. When we left this house, I do not know. Probably after my mother's death. At that time we lived on the corner of Seestrasse and Schifferstrasse. About 100 meter west of the Seestrasse one came to the beautiful avenue of chestnut trees leading to the spa [kurhaus] and past it directly to the sea. The Schifferstrasse, after about 150 m toward the north, led to the harbor with its warehouses, steamships, and lively activity. There were two apartments on the ground [parterre] floor, and the same in the next floor. Our apartment consisted of a living room, a bedroom, a dark [36] room where aunt Fanny, and later I and cousin Julius slept, a kitchen, and a tiny garden of about 3 x 3 m. Next to the kitchen was the privy. Libau had sewers later, but no water lines. A W.C would not even be imagined. More of that later. Next to us on the ground floor lived the carriage owner [fuhrhalter] Abraham Lowenstein. In the courtyard [hof] stood his carriages, in the stable the horses. On the upper floor lived a small grain dealer Frank. Behind the fairly large yard there was a neglected fruit garden of the owner Schwerderski. We children would play in the yard and the garden; a ripe berry, pear or apple would never get into the hand of the owner; we finished everything in the unripe state; it is a wonder that we stayed alive.

Since I was motherless, and the pretty aunt Fanny [137] was out of the house a lot, I would be left with Lowensteins, or with Frank, and when that did not work with the cobbler Bansemier across the street, with all of whom I spent more time than I did at home. Toys I had none; I played with thread spools and empty boxes. Once a year there was the great annual market in New Libau, and then there might be a wooden horse or some such. Later soldiers were cut out of picture sheets and pasted on cardboard. But I was left to myself, and the whole memory of childhood is very pale. I had measles, scarlet fever, diphtheria, whooping cough, but do not remember any of it. When I was about 4 cousin Julius Bernitz, who was two years older, was brought into the house. His father had died, his mother had stayed with the younger children Hemske and Frieda at my grandparents in Goldingen. I grew up together with Julius, and we lived in one room until I left home in 1902. [138] I am conscious of very little of my first years of childhood. I do not know what my age was when my father decided to enroll me in a kindergarten, the only one in Libau, which at that time must have been seen as a daring novelty. Children were raised at home, then went to the cheider, or else the german private school, and from there either in to a yeshiva or into the business.

The awareness of systematic learning in preparation for [university] study occurred only in a later stage of my life, in the 90's. I came into the kindergarten of Miss Rosenpflanzer, an old, white-haired lady, always in a cheerful, happy mood, with rosy cheeks. It was a [Frobel?] kindergarten, with about 20 children, mostly of Baltic parents; we were only a few Jewish children among them, an naturally no consideration was given to that. [msp 139] Instruction was in a pure Lutheran spirit, and I knew, and sang, several german church songs, to which my father apparently did not object. Emil, the oldest brother of Grinja Falk was in the same kindergarten, and also later his future wife, Manja Pines, but then she was very small. From there I went in to the private school of Ansitt. It was run by two old, haggard, and quite ugly spinsters. There I learned the beginning basics of the Russian language. I was in this school only a short time and came into a further private school of Miss Schafer in the Waisenhausstrasse, a fair stretch to walk, which was not at all nice in winter and in the morning. Aside form Miss Schafer, a broad [breite], older and very energetic lady, two Russian ladies, Krefowt and Hubenet, worked there. Instruction was stern and hard, I was not taken seriously [man nahm mich nicht fur voll], because of my Jewishness, which I did not understand yet.

[Letter attached on these pages] [140]

I only have unpleasant memories of these two private schools, but in the last one my first friendship was made. In class with me there was a blond boy, Kurt Bonitz, the son of the confectionery [conditorei] owner Bonitz. Kurt would invite me over on occasional Sunday afternoons, there was chocolate, and cake, and ice cream, as much as I could eat. I had a sweet tooth [vernascht war ich damals] then, and still have it. In exchange I would tell fairy tales. We soon came apart. So ended the year 1894. At that time a preparatory class was added to the Realschule. I was enrolled in it, passed my admission exam, and was dressed in the black uniform that I wore until the summer of 1902. It consisted of black long pants, a military shirt, also black, with an attached black high collar [stehkragen] that closed with a hook. [141] Then there was a black patent leather belt [lackledergurtel] with a brass buckle on which the black letters .... were embossed. The initials stand for [Russian words], Libau City Realschule. The cap was black, in military style, with yellow [passbole?] with black patent leather visor, and again the initials embossed in the "golden" oak leaf cluster. In winter there was also a coat, black with "gold" buttons. There was another high school in Libau, the humanistic Nicolaigymnasium, named in honor of Czar Nicholas I. At that time in czarist Russia, except for a few military highschools, there were only the two kinds of highschools. Realschulen that gave the right to enlist in voluntary military service for a year after 6 years, also gave the right to study in the commercial section of the polytechnic university, from which one could graduate in 3-4 years. Realschulen also had a supplementary [ergantzungs] class. [142] After graduating from this seventh year one received the leaving certificate that entitled one to study at Polytechnic university, but not at a regular university, unless one also satisfied the requirements of the Greek and Latin curriculum.

Attending the humanistic gymnasium required eight years, where Latin and Greek and a choice of german or french were taught. There was no natural science, and little mathematics and physics. Graduating from the gymnasium opened doors to many universities. They had the same uniforms, but the [passbolen] were white, and "silver" instead of "gold" for buttons, etc., and the winter coat was a light gray. In summer one wore the same style uniform, but made of linen, which was very pleasant in the heat. The great advantage of the uniform was that from the outside [143] there was no indication of difference in wealth between the students in all of Russia. The son of the richest man, while attending school, both in and out of school, wore the same, simple, black clothing as the son of the poorest widow. The girls in the state schools also wore uniforms, although a little room for individuality was left in choice of hair ribbons and lace trimmings. In old Russia everything was uniformed, not only military, navy, police, and customs, but also any government employee, wore uniforms, and not only on duty, but also otherwise, and of course all school pupils and other students.

Realschulen and Gymnasiums were under the ministry of popular education [volksaufklarung], as well as most universities. However there were some in the road construction ministry, and others in the mine construction ministry. Later a third kind [144] of higher schools was established (known as middle schools in Russia) in the commercial schools. These were modeled after the Realschulen, but had English instead of french, and subjects such as political economy, bookkeeping, etc. They had the same rights as the Realschulen, the same black uniforms, but with green [passbolen] since they were under the finance ministry, which also was in charge of its own Polytechnic schools, such as those in Warsaw and Kiev, and the mining school in Jekaterinslav (now Dnjepropetrovsk).

When I spoke above of the rights to study that these highschools provided, it was to be understood that applied to all non-Jews, [selbst fur judische sectierer wie karaer oder Karaimen die nur die torah aber nicht den talmud anerkennen]. For Jews there was a Numerus Clausus (quota) that limited the number of Jewish students. [145] In Petersburg and Moscow this quota amounted to between 0.5 and 3.0 %, in the inner lands around 5%, and in the rim states and in the settlement districts up to 10%.

The quotas were also used in the highschools. Even in the lowest grades there was not always room for every Jewish child that applied. Sometimes the quota was calculated for an individual class, so in a class of 17 students only a single Jew would be allowed, but in my Realschule the whole school was used, and in the graduating class we were fewer than 20 students, and among them 5 Jews.

Every Jewish father endeavored to make a university education possible for his sons, since the diploma obtained there gave them residence rights in all of Russia. Jews in Russia were second class citizens; the quota applied not only to the schools, but for the whole country. The Jew could live where he was born, and [146] other than that in the cities and places where the settlement district to which the Czar province of Poland and a few neighboring governments of the Ukraine and white Russia belonged. But not in the country or the villages. I was born in Libau, and was not allowed to live in Petersburg, Moscow, Kiev, and even Riga. When we went to the country for vacations in summer there were always difficulties with the police. Since they were always poorly paid, and thus easily bribed, usually one could get together. But on the whole it was an unbearable condition. Your grandfather Samuel lived in Moscow for a few years, until finally the expulsion reached him. These conditions lasted into the world war 1914/18. It was grotesque that Jewish soldiers who were brought to Moscow with wounded transports, were expelled from there. No words from the allied French or English [147] did any good, it was said that one could not change the Jew laws in the critical time of the war, and so these did not fall until the collapse of czarist Russia.

So, to obtain residence rights for all Russia, one had to study in a university, and to do so one had to attend the high school that gave the right to study in a university. In order to get into high school, due to the quota, even young children had to take competitive exams and certification tests. Already as 8 and 9 year olds we knew that we were Jews, and that because of it we had to suffer and struggle. When Germans, Letts, poles, or Russians needed only a 3 to be admitted, among Jewish children with the highest scores lots would be drawn to determine who was worthy of attending high school. And so it went through university; thus it was not surprising that only the most talented, able, and diligent Jews reached university and [148] in later life accomplished accordingly.

Naturally there was a way of easily overcoming all these difficulties, a magic wand that opened not only highschools and universities, but highest society, the highest government positions, a handful of water: baptism. But the abhorrence of desertion from the faith [Meschumod] was so deep that the remedy of baptism was grasped only in the rarest cases, and then only in people with no character who were surely no loss to Judaism. How different from western Europe where baptism and mixed marriage contributed throughout to the good tone [?][ton] of the [arrievierten] Jews. In the east, in spite of repression and persecution, pogroms and lack of rights, even the atheist would never think of repudiating Judaism; in the west the attraction [locken] of a lieutenant's uniform was enough. In Russia, when Zionism had not even been thought of, the Jews [149] always considered themselves a people, and were treated as such by the government. One was a Russian subject, but for centuries along with that one was a Jew as one might be a Pole, a Finn, or member of another of the 100 nations that constituted the Russian empire.
 
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